Good Afternoon Ladies, Gentlemen.
For those of you who dont know me, my name is John and for those of you that do ... well I'll appologise now.

I'd like to start by saying that what a genuine honour it is to be Tom's best man today. I appreciate that I am just one of many equally suitable close friends that he could well have chosen. But I know he looks upon me as the younger brother he never had, and I look on him as the older brother I never wanted.

I would just like to say a big "Thank you" to the bridesmaids and flower girl because they have done a marvelous job in helping Gemma and look fantastic!!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, a toast, to the bridesmaids!!!

In fact they are only eclipsed by Gemma herself, who, I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning today. The groom however, just looks completely stunned.

Right now I would like to ask both Tom and Gemma to take part in my speech. Gemma will you please place your right hand on the table. Tom will you please place your left hand on top of Gemma's. I'm going to ask you both to keep your hands in this position until the end of my speech and believe me Tom you will regret it if you don't.

I would like to also thank you for finally admitting after all this time that I have known you, that I am the best man!

Instead of telling you a bunch of stories that can drag on forever, you will have to listen to my marital advice instead. Im not sure Im the best person to dish out advice! But I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple

For Tom
1. First, set the ground rules and establish whose boss - then do everything gemma says

2. Second, Married Life Can Be Compared To Football ... so, Be Fully Committed Every Week And Make Sure That You Score Every Saturday.

3. Dont forget, if you buy Gemma flowers, she knows you're feeling guilty, and she will remember, to the second, the last time you bought her some ... AND the reason why!

4. Lastly, there are two words you must never forget, YES DEAR

For Gemma

For you I have the 5 key tips to a successful marriage.

A man who will treat you right and always stand by your side

A man who will shower you with gifts and compliments

A man who will comfort you in times of trouble.

A man who will please you and grant your every request.

Most importantly, you've got to make sure that each of the men dont know the other ones names.

Seriously though Tom. You are one lucky man! You married Gemma today.

Shes a beautiful, smart, funny, loving, and caring young woman.
She really deserves a great husband. So its quite lucky she married you before she found one.

Have you both still got your hands together? .... Good, good

I Spoke To Both Tom And Gemma Before The Wedding And I Asked Tom What He Was Looking For In Marriage - He Said "Love, Happiness And Hopefully our own Family."

When I Asked Gemma The Same Question - She Replied - A Coffee Perculator!
Well, She Actually Said A "Perky Copulator" But I think that was what she meant...

The final and most important task, of the best man is knowing when enough is enough and I think that that time has arrived so there are just two things left to say

It has been an honor and a privilege to be best man today. Thanks again for letting me have the job! And I honestly couldnt wish for a better friend to be best man for. I think you will all agree that today, Tom truly is the best man and apart from Gemma being the most stunning person in the room, she is also the luckiest.

Now, in case any of you are wondering why I asked Tom to place his hand on top of Gemma's I will tell you now.

Tom ... as my final role, it has been with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last five minutes in which you will ever have the upper hand over Gemma.
Please stand up and raise your glasses to Mr. & Mrs. Poulton !!!